Stand-Up

Day 8 (358) – I Control the Universe

Well it’s less than an hour away from kick-off, and I’m feeling nervous.  Yes, Ohio State, my alma mater, has been #1 all season long, yes they’ve beaten everyone they’ve played, including two #2 teams, and yes they have the reigning Heisman Trophy winner.  But nothing in sports is ever guaranteed (except for the Browns sucking).

With the Bengals’ disappointing season (so many ups  and downs, plus heartbreaking losses), I’ve already suffered a good deal from the football gods.  I hope they realize that for all of us in the Buckeye state, it’s time we win again.

But out of everything that OSU has rooting against them, more than the fact that they are the favorites, which can be bad, that they haven’t played in 51 days, that Florida had one of the toughest schedules in college footbal, and that Urban Meyer knows how to coach, more than all of that, the biggest thing that could cause them to lose is where I will be watching the game.

You see, the last two times we played the #2 ranked team in the country, I watched the game with the 8th Flo Hoes up at Ohio State in the Drexel Gateway Theater.  But tonight, I’ll be watching it from home.

And as we all know, it’s not about how well the teams have practiced during the month that they’ve had off, or how the coaches have prepared, or even how talented the players are.  No, it all comes down to me, and where I watch the game.

So if the Buckeyes lose tonight and Florida wins (as opposed to … what, the Gators losing too?  I’m an idiot… not only for that comment, but also for being dumb enough to point out my own stupidity when I could easily just have deleted it from the blog, just like this comment… and this one…) – ANYWAY, so if OSU loses, we will all know that it is my fault, and that I ultimately control the universe.  If the Buckeyes win, it doesn’t necessarily mean that I don’t control the universe, it just means that my apartment is an acceptable place to watch the Buckeyes play.

Note: Though I am being facetious, there are a large number of people that actually believe this.  Have you ever watched a game with a superstitious fan?  Be careful about what position you are sitting when the team he roots for is winning, because if that team starts to lose, you better believe superstitious fan is going to make you sit how you were before.

These people change seating arrangements, and how you’re sitting because that’s magically going to make football players, hundreds of miles away, somehow play better.  It’s like their adjusting the antenna on a TV, trying to get a good reception (ba don cha).

A friend of mine once made his girlfriend leave his house in the middle of a game because the Buckeyes started losing when she showed up.  She was visiting him from California.

It makes me wonder if they apply those types of superstitions in other aspects of their life.  I can’t really think of any examples, but I’ll come back to that someday.

For now, it’s time to cheer on my Buckeyes.  O-H!