Stand-Up

Day 72 (294) – Still Don’t Give a %*#&

Track 20: Still Don’t Give a %*#& (why do I have a track listed?)

I was working at a temporary cube today (I was downtown where I don’t have a real desk and was forced to work in small stations set up for travelling workers), and was surrounded by other people who normally work from home – all of which were women.

One of them was a relatively new hire and was smoking hot.  She was the anti-Sarah.  She made you believe in God because only a supreme being could make something so astoundingly beautiful.  Being the charming man I am, I decided to engage her in some casual conversation.

Before long she was telling me this heart-felt story about her poor little puppy that was sick, and how she was so torn up that she had to come into the office today.  And while she was continuing on, talking about the dogs cute little nose, and adorable pink booties she wears on her paws, and you can’t forget the bow tied in her hair just like Toto, I realized something.  I still don’t give a %*#&.

The fact that this woman was gorgeous didn’t deter me from wanting to cut my ears off to avoid listening to her drone on and on about her “precious little Snuggles.”  And you ladies can’t even get mad about that, because it proves that I’m not superficial.  I think pretty women can be just as annoying as ugly ones (you can just tolerate the pretty ones a little longer).

I think my only solution is to start dating mute girls.  That way I never have to listen to them go on about non-sensical topics like vegetarianism, dogs, or “that time of the month.”  So if there are any mute girls that are interested, call me sometime ; ).

Please no deaf girls though: been there, tried that.