Stand-Up

Day 71 (295) – Bad Meets Evil

Track 19: Bad Meets Evil (why do I have a track listed?)

What’s the opposite of good?  Is it bad?  Or is it evil?  The answer is … it’s both?  Wouldn’t that piss you off, if you were a word and some other word was infringing on your antonym-y goodness (or  badness, or evilness)?

I imagine words probably fight about that kind of stuff all the time.   ‘Bad’ probably insults ‘Evil’ all the time: “Ooh ‘Evil’ only has 14 definitions on dictionary.com, what a bitch.”  But of course ‘Evil’ ain’t no bitch, so he responds in kind: “Are you talking?  People don’t even know how to use ‘Bad’ right and use it improperly as an adverb.”

B: “Oh yeah, well too bad I’m so amazing that Michael Jackson wrote a song about me.”
E: “That’s nothing, I was a doctor in Austin Powers.”
B: “That’s why I’m used in the dictionary to define you!”
E: “I’m used in the dictionary to define you!  Plus I have my own Axis.”
B: “Well, I’m the opposite of ‘Good’ when it comes to news.”
E: “I’m the opposite of ‘Good’ when it comes to the battle between Heaven and Hell.”
B: “Whatever.  Let’s settle this like real words.”
E: “Just name a time and a place, and I’ll be there!”
B: “After a preposition, on a dangling participle.”
E: “After being beaten seriously, I’m going to make you wish you were never defined!”
B: “I’m glad you’re familiar with the place…”

So ‘Bad’ meets ‘Evil,’ and they of course have a battle to see who is the definitive opposite of ‘Good.’

“Laaaaaaaddddddiiiiiiieeeesssss annnnnnnnnnddddd Gentlemannnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.  Let’s get ready to definnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeee.  Bad starts the fight by throwing an ‘ly’ at ‘Evil.’  ‘Evil’ counters with an article.  ‘Bad’ unleashes a pun: “Badder Up!” and hits ‘Evil’ with a metaphorical bat.  ‘Evil’ stumbles to the ground.  ‘Bad’ goes to deliver the final blow, but wait, ‘Evil’ hits him with an allusion to ‘Evil’ from the Bible, and the two are down, lying fragmented on the page.   And out of nowhere, ‘Ungood’ swoops in and takes the crown!  Where did ‘Ungood’ come from?  It’s not even defined in the dictionary, but the prefix has teamed up with ‘Good’ to become the definitive opposite of ‘Good.’  We have a winner!”

So there you have it.  The opposite of good is, in fact, ungood.  Go ahead, ask your English teacher, they all know of this battle.