Stand-Up

Day 67 (299) – Just Don’t Give a %*#&

Track 15: Just Don’t Give a %*#& (why do I have a track listed?)

Well, I think I may know why I’ve reached Rock Bottom with the females…  It’s because I’m too honest.  Sure, women say they want an honest man, but they don’t really mean that.  What they mean is they want someone that won’t cheat on them, but WILL lie about other things (and “honestly,” I’m sure it doesn’t hurt to have loads of money).

There are the classic examples of women setting us men up to be dishonest (“Does this dress make me look fat?”  “Would you still love me if I lost my leg in a freak snowboarding accident?” “If you could have a threesome with me and my mom, would you want to?”) – they don’t want to know our real answers.  But they also don’t want honesty just in general.

I was talking to this girl and she was going on and on about how if people really cared about the environment that they’d stop eating meat because it’s causing global warming.  And she asked me what I thought, and I replied, “I don’t really care” (first mistake).   Then she continued, “How can you not care.  This is going to affect the lives of our children, and our children’s children.”  “Honestly, I just don’t give a %*#&” (second mistake).  I continued, “not so much about global warning.  I mean in general, I just don’t give a %*#& about what you’re saying right now.  All I’ve heard for the last 15 minutes is ‘Blah blah blah.  I’m a dumb broad that won’t stop talking’” (third mistake).

Yeah, I think I might know why I’m single.