Stand-Up

Day 59 (307) – Bitch

Track 8: Bitch (why do I have a track listed?)

I am currently a single guy, and I’ve speculated on many reason why, but I think the most apparent is that I just don’t get women.

My last relationship ended because of simple misunderstanding.  My girlfriend thought we were having a serious conversation … and I thought we were having a competition.  “Drew, you left the toilet seat up again, why do you have to be such an ass?”  So I figure if she calls me a donkey, I can do even better and call her a female dog.  She of course left all angry, so I thought I won. I was wrong.

Now I was in the doghouse for calling her a bitch, and if I had just been as quiet as a mouse we could’ve been screwing like rabbits… Instead, she left me for a man hung like a horse, and I was stubborn as an ox and tried to fight the guy but froze like a deer in headlights when his fist came at me like a bat out of hell, and I just found out that she gave me crabs… Now I gotta go home, and choke the chicken.