Stand-Up

Day 52 (314) – Public Service Announcement

Track 1: Public Service Announcement (why do I have a track listed?)

I don’t know if you guys were aware of this, but it turns out that the driver’s seat of a car on the highway is actually NOT a telephone booth… or a make-up chair, or a breakfast nook to eat breakfast and read the paper. It’s in fact the prime spot to actually control a motor vehicle safely, and alertly to a destination.

I know that this seems weird, and to the contrary considering the number of people who use the driver’s seat as such, but I swear it’s true, I read about it in a book once. Let’s be honest though, most people don’t know how to drive when they have no distractions, how is multi-tasking going to help?

I was on the highway the other day and I saw a lady drive by me talking on her cell phone, putting on her make-up and trying to write something down. She already has the whole gender thing working against her, does she really need any extra challenges while driving?

Maybe some people think they are already good enough at driving. I mean statistics would say otherwise (40,000 fatal accidents / year), but then again, what do “stats” know? They’re all “staty” and full of “numbers” based on “history.” I’m sure brain surgery isn’t all that challenging either, so I’d be fine with my neural surgeon chatting on his phone or checking his Black Berry while performing on me…

Ladies and gentleman, this is my Public Service Announcement to you. I don’t want to get all “preachy” on you, but this is all I ask: If you’re going to talk on your cell phone or do 800 other things while driving, please just do it in the middle or right lane of traffic, AND STAY THE HELL OUT OF THE LEFT LANE. That lane is reserved for us drivers who would rather take our risks speeding than fix our lipstick. Thank you.