Stand-Up

Day 327 (39) – Black Friday

Black Friday – the biggest shopping day of the year (supposedly) and the start of Holiday shopping for many.  Not for me.  Most people wake up at 3 o’ clock in the morning to make it to the stores by 4am to get all the crazy door buster deals, often as gifts for people for Christmas.  Not me.  I do all my shopping online whenever I happen to be up, and most often it’s stuff for me.  It’s not that I’m selfish, it’s just that it’s way too early to be thinking about Christmas gifts for other people, you save that till the 22nd or 23rd (of December).

I think the origin of the name “Black Friday” is pretty interesting.  It makes sense to me, I just think we should reapply to other days.   For example, the day after Christmas should be “Returns Day,” the day after New Years should be “Still Hungover Day,” and the day after Halloween should be “Oh please let the girl lying beside me be a consenting adult dressed as a Girl Scout (and not really a Girl Scout) Day.”

In a somewhat related note, I also think we should celebrate the day 9 months prior to one’s birthday, but give gifts to our parents instead.  9 Months may not be exact, but unless you know the specific date you were conceived (which, honestly, would be a bit weird), it’s the best you got.   They should at least get some kind of present for having the balls (and lady parts too) to have a kid.  Maybe get them a card “Mom and Dad- thanks for screwing.  Love, your son.”

(And if you’re wondering- yes, I just grossed myself out.)