Stand-Up

Day 296 (70) – Symmetry

As I mentioned yesterday, I played soccer last night.  And as you’ll recall from my long story, I sprained my ankle a few weeks ago.  While it no longer hurts to walk on, it’s still sore from time to time and still needs icing after a game.  And I know it’s not completely healed yet because I verified with a foolproof health check – I compared it to my other ankle.

See, it’s a proven medical fact that if you have something on both sides of your body, it’s supposed to be like that.  Symmetry = OK.  For example, my wrists are the same size and have the same bumps on both sides, they’re fine.  My right ankle appears normal, while my left one looks like Rosie O’ Donnell’s cankle, so something isn’t completely healed.

And you should know that this always holds true. So the quickest way to a speedy recovery is to ensure symmetry.  So if you lose an arm in a freak mopping accident, just chop off the other and you’ll be good to go.  Nature doesn’t lie.

(Disclaimer: I’m being facetious.  I just made all of this up.  Please don’t, under any circumstances, use this theory to self-diagnose yourself.  Following my advice is like listening to country music – you could do it, but why would you want to put yourself through that pain.)