Stand-Up

Day 266 (100) – Youngest Child

As many of you know, I am the youngest of 3 boys in my family.  And it can suck being the youngest.  Cuz your older brothers get to do everything bad, and by the time you try to get away with the same things, your Mom’s already figured them out (I’ve already mentioned not being allowed to watch TV during the week).

The advantage to being the “baby” is that generally Mom always believes you.  And I took great pleasure in getting my brother’s in trouble, since it was really my only defense against them.  Whenever my brothers would be doing something they shouldn’t, I’d just yell to Mom: “Look what Adam (or David) is giving me bad ideas about.”

The worst part of being the youngest is that means I was basically their bitch.  And my size and stature certainly didn’t help at all.  They always made me do stuff – I did the chores, I made the Tea, I asked our terrifying grandpa if it was OK if we played outside.

My brothers also loved to torment me as a kid.  And aside from the normal physical torture, they also liked to mess with me psychologically.  Like, I LOVED cereal as a kid.  I ate it for every meal.  My best friends growing up were Count Chocula, Captain Crunch, and a generic Kroger knock-off leprechaun.  But my brother was a bastard and would put all of the cereal on the highest shelf, where I couldn’t reach it, and the only way he would get it for me was if I called him “Master.”  And let’s not talk about the times they would hide in closets, showers, and laundry bins just to scare me when I walked by.  Hiding in laundry bins? Who does that?  It still hampers me to this day…

But now that I’m an older, more mature person, I’m over those days.  Plus, when I get on stage, I can make up anything I want and the audience will believe me, won’t they Adam?