Stand-Up

Day 263 (103) – Gangsta’s Paradise

I was driving around with a friend the other day, and I saw some shoes hanging from a telephone wire.  So I’m thinking, “that’s an odd place to leave some shoes out to dry.”  Well my friend had to correct me: “Actually Drew, that usually is a way for gangs to mark their territory.”

And that got me thinking, does the type of shoe hanging represent the type of gang in the area.  Like red shoes for Bloods, blue for Crypts, penny loafers for Gays…  And I have to tell you, I don’t think I’d be scared of a gang of Gay people – sorry, I believe the politically correct term is Gayng.

But think about it: a Gayng Fight would be like a scene right out of West Side Story.  They’d have drive-by redecorations.  And they’d “tag” (spray paint) rainbows everywhere, which, other than maybe pissing off the Leprechaun Gang (or maybe they go by Gang Green (ba don cha)), might actually make buildings more pleasant to look at.

I thought about joining a gang once (not a Gayng), but it turns out they already had someone to do their website.  I didn’t want to join to “sling crack,” I just wanted to become a rapper.  I mean, I always admired those people at the mall that could wrap all those presents so fast… I also wanted to be a hip-hop artists, but I found that I couldn’t find any “socially cool” bunnies…

Kidding aside, I did always wish I could drop a “flow” over some “beats.”  For some reason, I don’t think I’d fit into the Gangsta Rap scene:

Look at me, I’m such a thug!
You step at me, and I’ll give you a hug.
You’re quick like a bee, I’m fast like a slug,
You drink from a 40, I drink from a mug.

My flows are wet, like the Sahara,
I want some dough, so I go to Panera.
I’m so gangsta, I don’t care-a.
If I was Spanish, I’d have a sombrer-a.

That’s a little flow I like to call “It’s So Hard to Be Soft.”  I know, I coulda been triple platinum…