Stand-Up

Day 260 (106) – Amusement Parks

As I’ve noted before, my still young body has decided that it wants to start taking on old-man symptoms.  Well this weekend it decided to strike again.

This weekend was P&G Dividend Day at King’s Island, where P&G rents out the entire amusement park and it’s only open to P&G employees and their family.  And since I haven’t been to KI in years, I decided it was worth the trip to go up and ride some rides (thanks to Mom for accompanying me).

We didn’t make it up there till late, so we didn’t have much time to ride a lot, but since there were barely any lines, we did make it on the Racer, Beast, Vortex, Italian Job, and the new one, Firehawk.  And what does my body decide to do?  Have a sore neck all day today.  What happened to me being able to ride every single ride in the park and not feel anything the next day?

And naturally, while at the park, I did have some observations:

1. Never go to an amusement park with a midget.  I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with midgets (though they freak me out), it’s just that going to an amusement park with a midget is like going to the Playboy Mansion – at the end of the day, you’ll have no chance of riding anything.
2. Similarly, don’t take a person that likes to talk when they get nervous.  There’s nothing worse than standing in line with a guy trying to hide his nervousness by talking about anything and everything.  No, I don’t want to hear about the “really funny time” you had when you skipped school to play D&D all day.  I am a better Dungeon Master than you’ll ever… I mean, loser.
3. If you are a ride operator, and you have broken your thumb, try not to be the person in charge of giving the “all clear” sign for the roller coaster to start.  I don’t need some guy with his hand in a perpetual “thumbs up” position to control when they perceive the riders to be ready.
4. Even if it is true, if your boyfriend says “I can’t believe we’re waiting for 4 hours for 20 seconds of fun,” it is not cool to respond, “Why?  That’s what our first date was like.”  It is hilarious, but not cool.
5. Finally, if you’re a physics major, just keep your mouth shut.  We don’t need to hear about all the amazing “physics-defying” aspects of the ride we are about to ride.  Nor do we need to know the statistics of roller coaster injuries, or that this ride is a particularly old ride that you are surprised is still even running.  This is especially true if we are 20 seconds away from getting on said ride.

Now I’ve always been fortunate to be fine with heights, so I have no problem riding rides.  I have a lot of respect for people that are willing to face their fears.  I can tell you that I will not be going to any circuses anytime soon.