Stand-Up

Day 184 (182) – Sippin on that (Hershey) Syzzurp

Unfortunately I’m still experiencing lapses in my Internet connection (it seems like for every 3 seconds it’s up, it’s down for 10 minutes), so I’ll have to just paste up something I typed up in Word.

You ever find it weird, how if someone has a wrong opinion about something, you completely write off everything else they say as wrong?  Like a friend of mine told me she didn’t like Pulp Fiction, and that immediately meant that I would never again trust her opinion.  I mean if your fundamentally wrong about a movie like that, how could you possibly be right about what the definition of “carom” is, I don’t care if you have a PhD in English.

The problem is that I’m that person to a lot of other people, mostly because of my palate for foods and beverages.  “What, you don’t like Ranch?  What is wrong with you?”  Because it’s something wrong with me, as a person, not that my taste buds happen to be different and lead to a dislike of a certain blend of ingredients.

As I’ve mentioned before, I am a slightly picky eater.   But I recently found away around all those damn questions from people when they find out I don’t like a certain food group – I lie about an allergy.  I don’t like seafood, so I tell people I’m allergic to iodine; don’t like vegetables, so I say I break out if I eat green; and I’m not a big fan of fruits, which is covered by homophobia.

What’s fun is that I’m also particular about my beverages – I pretty much only really drink water, gatorade and, as we all know, chocolate milk.  Alcohol isn’t for me, which can make trips to the bar interesting.  My friends always order these crazy shots, like “Bengal Bombs”, “Flaming Dr. Peppers”, “I’ll-regret-this-in-the-morning-when-I-wake-up-next-to a-400-pound-fat-chick-with-genital warts.”  I always go with the mix drink:

Bartender: What’ll you have sir?
Me: Hmm, a chocolate milk.
Bartender: Hehe, is that some kind of mixed drink?  Something with Kaluha?
Me: Well it’s a mixed drink… just no Kaluha.  Just “milk” and “chocolate syrup.”

And let me tell you, nothing screams “sexy” to the females like a man that can hold his dairy…