Stand-Up

Day 163 (203) – Vanity Plate

My brothers got me a vanity plate for my birthday with my nickname DTARV on it.   It’s pretty cool, but it’s added a lot of unnecessary pressure on me while driving, because I feel like I have to live up to the plate.

I can’t drive too slow because I don’t people to think DTARV is a pansy, and I can’t drive too fast because I don’t want them to think I’m an a-hole (or b-hole for that matter).   And now of course I can’t even do a hit and run because my plate is too easy to remember.

Having a vanity plate does have it’s advantages though.  Like I can always easily find my car (unfortunately so can my exes), and it’s very easy for me to fill out certain paperwork.  The best thing about it is that it gives me a great pickup line with the ladies (this is so very wrong): “Well now that you’ve been inside DTARV, it’s only fair for DTARV to be inside of you.”

(Side Note: this is one of those examples of going to blue.  I got all the way to the end and realized I needed something solid to try to end on, and this is all I could come up with.  I now have to ask myself if I used this because I wasn’t clever enough to think of anything else, or if it really is funny and would be good to use on stage.)