Content

PC Support

[scrippet]

INT. OFFICE CUBICLE – DAY

JERRY is sitting at his computer with a Word document open. KELLY is standing next to him, leaning over, looking at the screen.

JERRY
I don’t think it’s supposed to be like that.

KELLY
I don’t know, I’ve seen it like that before.

JERRY
I’m just going to call PC support, they’ll know.

Jerry leans over and picks up his phone. He dials Arun in PC Support.

ARUN (V.O.)
Hello, PC support.

JERRY
Hi, yes, I have a PC question I was hoping you could help me out with.

ARUN (V.O.)
Of course, no problem. What seems to be the issue?

JERRY
OK, we have Word open and we’re trying to write a report and we were wondering—do people still say Indians or are they Native Americans now?

ARUN (V.O.)
Ah yes, common question. Indian refers to people from India. If you mean the quote unquote Indians that native to the United States, they are called Native Americans.

JERRY
OK, so Indians are the dot kind, Native Americans are the arrow kind.

There is a pause as dead air fills the phone.

ARUN (V.O.)
That’s a bit racist, but yes. Is there anything else I can assist you with?

JERRY
Nope, that’s it.

ARUN
Well thank you for calling “Politically Correct Support,” have a nice day.

INT. OFFICE BREAKROOM – DAY

Kelly and Jerry are sitting for coffee. Arun walks in.

ARUN
You guys called again?

KELLY
That was quick PC guy. We were asked to explain how the company is giving back to the community and we want to release a press statement that says we’re giving back by giving hobos free cans of Axe body spray.

JERRY
Yeah, now do we use hobo, bum, or something retarded like “home challenged.”

Arun twitches as he hears them.

ARUN
I find that offensive. First, you shouldn’t say something is retarded if you mean to imply that it is dumb or silly.  Retarded shouldn’t really be used at all, the correct term is “mentally disabled.” Second, the oft-used but still not perfect term is “homeless.”

KELLY
Oh, that’s gay–

Kelly catches herself.  Her tone becomes very polite and she looks proud of herself.

KELLY (CONT’D)
I’m sorry, I mean, that’s homosexual.

INT. OFFICE HALLWAY – DAY

Arun is walking down the hallway, Jerry calls after him,

JERRY
Hey PC dude, got a quick question for you.

ARUN
It’s Arun.

JERRY
What? I’ve got to run too, but I just had a quick question. I’m about to go hit on the new secretary, do I call her babe or toots?

ARUN
You shouldn’t call her anything but her name, and that could be sexual harassment. “Babe,” “toots,” and “dollface” are all inappropriate for the office.

JERRY
Oh, good one, thanks.

A random girl walks past Jerry and Arun.

JERRY (CONT’D)
(to the girl)
Hey! Dollface! How about making me some coffee?

Jerry smacks the girl on the butt as she passes.

Arun looks fumed.

INT. OFFICE ROOM – DAY

Kelly is talking to her boss, MR. SHETMEN.

KELLY
I don’t know sir, let’s see what PC support says when he gets here.

Arun walks into the room.

MR. SHETMEN
Thanks for coming so fast, we have a PC question.

ARUN
Of course Mr. Shetman.

KELLY
What’s the right way to say, “We have to hire more black people.”

ARUN
I’m sorry, Kelly?

MR. SHETMEN
We need more diversity and we have to hire more black people. I know we can’t say slave, can we still call them “N–”

Arun leaves the office and slams the door before Mr. Shetmen can finish his sentence.

INT. OFFICE MEETING ROOM – DAY

MRS. TUCKER is at the front of the room, with Mr. Shetmen, Jerry, and Kelly sitting in seats in the room.

MRS. TUCKER
I am sad to announce that Arun has passed away.  He was found in his apartment after overdosing on anxiety medication.

MR. SHETMEN
That is sad… Who was Arun?

MRS. TUCKER
He worked in PC Support?

Blank stares from everyone in the room.

MRS. TUCKER (CONT’D)
The fine Indian gentleman?

Jerry does air quotes as he speaks.

JERRY
We had a “Native American” working here?

FADE TO BLACK

[/scrippet]