Skits
Day 143 (223) – A Play a Day in May #23
Stupidity Insurance
Location: White Room
Characters: Speaker, various “clients”
[The scene starts with a man dressed in a suit walking out in the direction of the camera.]
Speaker: Do you often find yourself saying “Hey guys, watch this.” Do you often hear this after doing a particular activity: “How the hell did you manage that?” or “You did what?” If so, you may be interested in a revolutionary insurance company designed just for you.
[The scene cuts to two guys on the street. One is on the ground, his leg clearly broken.]
Actor 1: Dude, I told you you couldn’t jump over my car.
Actor 2: I told you that you had to be going at least 40 miles per hour, you were barely pushing 35.
Actor 1: Don’t blame me for not being able to jump. But we better get you to a hospital, that looks pretty bad.
Actor 2: No way, man. I can’t afford this and there’s no way my insurance company will pay for it.
Actor 1: What? You don’t have AAA Stupidity Insurance? Well, that’s just stupid.
Actor 2: Stupidity insurance?
Actor 1: Yeah, they insure you when you do something stupid, like trying to jump over a Cadillac.
[The scene cuts back to the speaker.]
Speaker: That’s right, here at stupidity insurance, we insure you against yourself. How often do you get into a car accident? How many times do tornados really tear through your house? Not many. But how many times do you do something stupid?
[The scene cuts to an insurance claims agent talking to a guy in a front yard.]
Insurance Agent: So your saying the lawn gnome gave you a look, so you came over and started to molest it. When the neighbor came out and confronted you, you grabbed the gnome, ran into his back yard, and then for some reason proceeded to bash the gnome into your neighbor’s garden of Zinnias, saying “Your such a tease.” Well, that should all be covered under your Level 2 Stupidity policy.
[The scene cuts back to the speaker.]
Speaker: At AAA Stupidity Insurance, we insure you against what really happens – your own stupidity. What other policies consider “negligence” or “incompetence,” we consider legitimate claims. Break your hand seeing if you can stop a fan with just one finger? Covered. Damage a kitchen sink in a fit of roid rage? Covered. Suffer from beer goggles, bring a girl home, and need to pay for that STD test? That’s right, your covered. At AAA Stupidity Insurance, we even cover stupid social interactions. At an office party, and say something dumb?
[The scene cuts to an office party.]
Actor 3: I don’t care if that chick in accounting is pregnant, I’d do her in a heartbeat.
Boss: The only girl in accounting is my daugther… and she’s not pregnant.
Actor 3: Uh…um….
[The scene cuts to the man in a corner of office making a phone call.]
Speaker (voice over): Just call your insurance agent, explain the situation, and he will be on his way to help out.
[Cut back to man speaking to his boss again. An Insurance Agent comes and joins the conversation.]
Insurance Agent: Oh man, Steve, it turns out that hot pregnant girl doesn’t work in accounting, she’s in finance.
[The scene cuts back to the speaker.]
Speaker: With us, you’ll never be without coverage again. AAA Stupidity Insurance, not having it would just be stupid.
[Voice over comes up, speaking really fast.]
Voice Over: Stupidity Insurance covers damage to health caused by mistaken judgement and general contests between friends, damage done unto inanimate objects and drunk people done while drunk, and socially awkard situations also known as “putting one’s foot in one’s mouth.” A stupidity test will be taken prior to assigning coverage to assess the level of insurance required and appropriate premium level. AAA Stupidity Insruance is not liable for legitimate accidents or acts of god. In the case of death caused by stupid event, all insurance claims are null and must be taken up with your life insurance agency (you do have life insurance right?) Void where prohibited and Kentucky.
FADE TO BLACK
