Skits
Day 127 (239) – A Play a Day in May #7
No Waiting in Line 18
Location: Meijer
Characters: Shopper. Male and female voice over the intercom.
[The scene starts with a shopper in front of a store aisle, trying to choose a cereal. Frank Sinatra's "The Girl From Ipanema" is playing over the PA.
There is a beep on the PA, and the song is cut off.]
Female Voice: Attention Meijer guests – there is a sale on roses now through Sunday. That’s right, roses are cheap, just like somebody I know. As always, thank you for shopping your friendly Loveland Meijer.
[The music comes back on. The shopper is slightly confused, not really sure if he really just heard that correctly. He assumes he did not, and resumes shopping.
After a short time passes, the music stops again.]
Male Voice: Good evening Meijer shoppers. All ice cream is currently half off, just like somebody’s clothes at a frat party. Remember: Meijer, your place for higher standards and lower prices.
[The music returns. This time the shopper is certain he heard something wrong.
After a short time passes, the music stops again.]
Female Voice: Attention Meijer guests – there is currently no waiting in line 18. If you like the express checkout and like to be finished in a minute, visit Steve at line 18. As always, thank you for shopping your friendly Loveland Meijer.
[The music returns. The shopper looks around to see if anyone else is hearing what he's hearing.
After a short time passes, the music stops again.]
Male Voice: Good evening Meijer shoppers. If your cashier is unwilling to check you out because she has a headache, please proceed to the U-Scan to do it yourself. Remember: Meijer, your place for higher standards and lower prices.
[The music returns. The shopper tries to continue shopping as though nothing is happening.
After a short time passes, the music stops again.]
Female Voice: Attention Meijer guests – there is a sale on cucumbers today, they are currently buy 1 get 1 free. Ladies, if you are thinking about dating Steve, consider picking some of these up. As always, thank you for shopping your friendly Loveland Meijer.
[The music returns for just a brief second, before stopping again.]
Male Voice: Good evening Meijer shoppers. Stephanie is a whore.
[The music returns.]
FADE TO BLACK
