Skits

Day 126 (240) – A Play a Day in May #6

PUNishment

 

Location: Court Room

Characters: Judge, jury, lawyers, defendant

 

[The scene begins as the judge has just hammered his gavel.  The defendant is sitting in the witness chair.]

Judge: Order.  Order!  I will not have you making a shenanigans of this court room.  The prosecution may continue.
Prosecutor: Just answer the question.  Did you, or did you not, make a joke on stage about a “Motorola Razr” not shaving worth a damn.
Defendant: … I … I did.

[The entire courtroom gasps.  A man vomits out of disgust.]

Prosecutor:  No further questions your honor.

[The camera fades out and then back in.  Time has passed and the judge is about to announce the verdict.]

Judge: Will the defendent please rise.  How does the jury find the defendant?

Jury Representative: On the count of subjecting an audience to terrible jokes, the jury has found the defendant … guilty!

[The courtroom erupts in applause.]

Judge: Order!  Order!  You have been found guilty.  I hereby sentence you to 10 years of PUNishment … by Carrot Top!

Defendant: No… no… anything but that.  Please, I’m sorry, I’ll never make a play on words again.

[Cut to a dark cell.  The defendant is slouching in a chair, a defeated man.  In front of him is Carrot Top, with a huge box of props next to him.  He pulls out a dictionary.]

Carrot Top: I like to work out with a dictionary, it gives me good definition.

Defendant: Make it stop… please, make it stop…

[Carrot Top starts to move the pages of the dictionary like a mouth, reciting Shakespeare.]

Carrot Top:  I thought you might enjoy some word play!

Defendant: No… no…

[Carrot Top starts jogging in place with the dictionary under his arm.]

Carrot Top:  Man… I’m really booking it.

Defendant: Aughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[The camera shows Carrot Top picking up another prop out of his box, which is huge.]  The camera cuts to a scene of the facility where the defendant is being heard, and then to a shot of the US, and then to a shot of th world – his scream is audible the entire time.]

 

FADE TO BLACK