Below are all of the weekly content creation posts from 2009; enjoy!

Worst Monthly Focus – Closure
The intent for December was to wrap up a few loose ends before the end of the year.  I didn’t do any of them.

Worst Weekly Project – Write 8 Chapters
This wins for Worst Weekly Project because I didn’t come close to accomplishing it–I didn’t even start the project.  It was a poor decision that led to poor results.

Worst Decision – Not Doing Personal Backups
I made the mistake of not doing personal backups at work (relying, instead, on a web-based version).  When my harddrive failed over the holiday break, I had no backups to pull from and am still without my email from the last 3 months.

Worst Personal Undevelopment – Ignoring Commitments to Myself
In the second half of the year, I really slipped when it came to honoring commitments to myself.  I planned on doing something, would start it, but then never finish it (just look at the reviews of some of my weekly projects or monthly focuses).  I have a rejuvenated spirit towards getting things done, so here’s to making 2010 a better year of accomplishment.

Worst Improv Show – College Group
I saw a college group perform that wasn’t very good (no, it wasn’t 8th Floor).  There was so much denial, lots of references to genitalia, and a huge lack of commitment.  It was not a good use of 30 minutes.

Worst Improv Performance – Slapstick Picnic at The Creek
I don’t know what it was about this show, but I did nothing to make it better or even mediocre.  The rest of the group members helped keep some semblance of humor in the show, but I did not.  Luckily an hour later I was able to redeem myself with one of my favorite shows of the year.

Worst Movie I Saw – Uncertainty
My least favorite movie of 2009 was Uncertainty, with Joseph Gordon Levitt.  It had a great premise regarding how the choices we make lead to entirely different circumstances, it just wasn’t well executed or well told.

Worst Book I Read – None
I’m happy to say that all of the books I read this year were valuable in one or another.

Best Monthly Focus – Improvise
My favorite monthly focus was back in July when I did something improv related every day of the month. It led to over 90 hours of improv, 23 shows seen, and 7 performances.  It was a blast.

Best Weekly Project – Solve a Rubik’s Cube
Ok, so maybe I’m a geek, but one of my favorite things from this year was learning to solve a Rubik’s Cube.  Why? Because it provides a mental challenge (and something I can do on conference calls at work), fills a childhood dream, and attracts the ladies… one of those might not be true.

Best Decision – Shoot from the Hip
It was a close call for the best decision of 2009; there was the AIN conference, the goal to improve my tastes, and of course having Chick Fil A for 3 times in one day.  But ultimately it was my decision to the do the Shoot from the Hip project that I think was the best.  Not only did I get a chance to learn more about film, play 2 major characters in a movie, and have an absolute blast, but I also decided to take Magnet Classes as a result where I’ve met some amazing people and really grown as an improviser.

Best Personal Development – Tasting More
I’ve had the same general tastes in food for my whole life.  The practice to try more foods and drinks has led to some interesting revelations, wider variety in food options, and a few gross faces.  Say what you want about my eating habits, but at least I’m trying, right?

Best Travel – Milwaukee
2009 was another year of fun travel.  I went to Cincinnati (no surprise), Philadelphia, DC, Boston, Chicago, Milwaukee, Portland, and upstate New York.  Of all the trips, Milwaukee was my favorite as I was able to do non-stop improv at the ComedySportz tournament and meet some awesome, like-minded people.

Best Improv Show – BASH
I’ve seen a number of amazing shows this year, but the most impressive was definitely the one-man improvised musical starring Blaine Swen.  It was hilarious, heart-felt, and incredibly inspiring.

Best Improv Performance– Duo Show at The Creek
I was fortunate enough to perform a lot this past year.  Some shows went well, others not so much, but my favorite show I performed in this year was a duo show with Woodruff at The Creek.  I might have had funnier shows, but it was the most fun and showed I could rebound from one of my worst shows (which took place about an hour earlier).

Best Movie I Saw – Avatar
While it may not be the most original story, Avatar is a great example of original storytelling.  Fusing real life and CGI, the movie takes you to a new world that you feel apart of.  Definitely my favorite of 2009.

Best Book I Read – Story
I got through a number of good books this year (Outliers, In the Blink of an Eye, Sorrows of Young Werther to name a few), but my favorite was Story my Robert McKee.  It changed the way that I watch and understand movies and anything else with narrative structure.  It’s a fascinating perspective.

Below are my best tweets of 2009.  You’ll notice that I started having better tweets later in the year when I finally started using Twitter for more than just status updates.

My Best Tweets of 2009

subway tip #241 – even if someones ipod is loud enough for everyone to hear, it is not a radio and you should not make requests 8:39 AM Jan 15th, 2009

if a tree falls in the woods, and theres no one around, do the other trees make fun of it? 9:12 AM Mar 5th, 2009

just had an ekg, yeah you know me 11:57 AM Apr 1st, 2009

24 and halo. its like i never left college 11:58 PM Apr 20th, 2009

i wonder how mlk jr got to dreaming about civil rights, my dreams are always about work or showing up somewhere naked 7:53 AM Sep 17th, 2009

people who say “someone has a case of the mondays” give me a “case of the mondays.” 11:49 AM Sep 21st, 2009

and with the coats come the uggs. ugh 8:52 AM Sep 29th, 2009

saw a commercial for product that grows your eyelashes. seriously? eye lashes do not need viagra 8:36 AM Oct 2nd, 2009

anyone know any midgets? I want to befriend one to get over my fear. does that make me a bad person? 2:54 PM Oct 4th, 2009

if someone is appointed to a position, and then removed from power, are they disappointed? 6:35 PM Oct 7th, 2009

Gave a homeless man a pack of Disney Princess fruit snacks on the subway; now we both have a story to tell our friends. 3:47 PM Oct 12th, 2009

the band earth wind and fire was two elements away from being able to call captain planet. 2:31 PM Oct 20th, 2009

i always forget my umbrella. i blame resident evil. 8:31 PM Oct 24th, 2009

not a fan of tights under shorts. just wear pants. 11:59 PM Nov 6th, 2009

advantage to working from home: pizza rolls for lunch. i am half man, half child. 1:39 PM Nov 9th, 2009

primordial dwarf just gave me attitude for telling him the elevator was going down. wanted to say “dont get short w/ me” but didnt 4:50 PM Nov 28th, 2009

november only has 30 days in it. i know this because of my knuckles. 1:26 PM Nov 30th, 2009

i just took a step and realized i missed biggie. i guess diddy and faith evans were right. 2:31 PM Dec 3rd, 2009

i wonder if animals wonder what its like to be human like i wonder what its like to be an animal. i wonder if stevie wonders this too. 10:28 AM Dec 6th, 2009

great start to humpday / pants and shoes soaked from the rain / should have worked from home #haiku 9:27 AM Dec 9th, 2009

forgot how big things are in the midwest. the stores, the portions, the people… 11:08 AM Dec 23rd, 2009

so now the question is, what do you do on Christmas Adam? 2:26 PM Dec 26th, 2009

just tried alligator. if youre wondering, i did say “see you later…” before eating it. 12:02 AM Dec 31st, 2009

INT. OFFICE CUBICLE – DAY

JERRY is sitting at his computer with a Word document open. KELLY is standing next to him, leaning over, looking at the screen.

JERRY
I don’t think it’s supposed to be like that.

KELLY
I don’t know, I’ve seen it like that before.

JERRY
I’m just going to call PC support, they’ll know.

Jerry leans over and picks up his phone. He dials Arun in PC Support.

ARUN (V.O.)
Hello, PC support.

JERRY
Hi, yes, I have a PC question I was hoping you could help me out with.

ARUN (V.O.)
Of course, no problem. What seems to be the issue?

JERRY
OK, we have Word open and we’re trying to write a report and we were wondering—do people still say Indians or are they Native Americans now?

ARUN (V.O.)
Ah yes, common question. Indian refers to people from India. If you mean the quote unquote Indians that native to the United States, they are called Native Americans.

JERRY
OK, so Indians are the dot kind, Native Americans are the arrow kind.

There is a pause as dead air fills the phone.

ARUN (V.O.)
That’s a bit racist, but yes. Is there anything else I can assist you with?

JERRY
Nope, that’s it.

ARUN
Well thank you for calling “Politically Correct Support,” have a nice day.

INT. OFFICE BREAKROOM – DAY

Kelly and Jerry are sitting for coffee. Arun walks in.

ARUN
You guys called again?

KELLY
That was quick PC guy. We were asked to explain how the company is giving back to the community and we want to release a press statement that says we’re giving back by giving hobos free cans of Axe body spray.

JERRY
Yeah, now do we use hobo, bum, or something retarded like “home challenged.”

Arun twitches as he hears them.

ARUN
I find that offensive. First, you shouldn’t say something is retarded if you mean to imply that it is dumb or silly.  Retarded shouldn’t really be used at all, the correct term is “mentally disabled.” Second, the oft-used but still not perfect term is “homeless.”

KELLY
Oh, that’s gay–

Kelly catches herself.  Her tone becomes very polite and she looks proud of herself.

KELLY (CONT’D)
I’m sorry, I mean, that’s homosexual.

INT. OFFICE HALLWAY – DAY

Arun is walking down the hallway, Jerry calls after him,

JERRY
Hey PC dude, got a quick question for you.

ARUN
It’s Arun.

JERRY
What? I’ve got to run too, but I just had a quick question. I’m about to go hit on the new secretary, do I call her babe or toots?

ARUN
You shouldn’t call her anything but her name, and that could be sexual harassment. “Babe,” “toots,” and “dollface” are all inappropriate for the office.

JERRY
Oh, good one, thanks.

A random girl walks past Jerry and Arun.

JERRY (CONT’D)
(to the girl)
Hey! Dollface! How about making me some coffee?

Jerry smacks the girl on the butt as she passes.

Arun looks fumed.

INT. OFFICE ROOM – DAY

Kelly is talking to her boss, MR. SHETMEN.

KELLY
I don’t know sir, let’s see what PC support says when he gets here.

Arun walks into the room.

MR. SHETMEN
Thanks for coming so fast, we have a PC question.

ARUN
Of course Mr. Shetman.

KELLY
What’s the right way to say, “We have to hire more black people.”

ARUN
I’m sorry, Kelly?

MR. SHETMEN
We need more diversity and we have to hire more black people. I know we can’t say slave, can we still call them “N–”

Arun leaves the office and slams the door before Mr. Shetmen can finish his sentence.

INT. OFFICE MEETING ROOM – DAY

MRS. TUCKER is at the front of the room, with Mr. Shetmen, Jerry, and Kelly sitting in seats in the room.

MRS. TUCKER
I am sad to announce that Arun has passed away.  He was found in his apartment after overdosing on anxiety medication.

MR. SHETMEN
That is sad… Who was Arun?

MRS. TUCKER
He worked in PC Support?

Blank stares from everyone in the room.

MRS. TUCKER (CONT’D)
The fine Indian gentleman?

Jerry does air quotes as he speaks.

JERRY
We had a “Native American” working here?

FADE TO BLACK

[/scrippet]

It’s that time of year when you have to pony up some cash for the people you spend the most time with—nope, not your family or friends, but your co-workers.  And if you’re wondering what you should get your boss, direct reports or peers, here are some of the best gifts you can get a coworker.

Paperclips

Lingerie

If your boss or assistant is a man, this also has the added benefit of letting him know you know he has a softer side than his stern attitude might suggest.

More Work

A Pink Slip

Christmas colors may be red and green, but nothing says the holidays like the color pink. Giving out pink slips is not only easy on your wallet, but it’s also giving the gift of time to your direct reports–time they can spend with their families, having fun and looking for a new job.

Drugs

Anyone can buy a bottle of wine (assuming you are over the age of 21 or have a good fake), but it takes a real “go-getter” to score some illegal narcotics for a gift.  Not only will you show your recipient that you were willing to go that extra step past the law, but also that you encourage them to take a break and relax, recreationally.

In fact, if you’re not sure what to get a coworker, a good rule of thumb is that the more inappropriate, illegal, or deadly it is, the better!  Here’s to a happy holiday season and starting the new year without a job!

Note: These are not actually good gift ideas, please do not give them out to your co-workers. For ideas that are actually good, check out Gifts Coworkers Will Actually Like.

Images modified from:

• http://www.sxc.hu/photo/434278
• http://www.sxc.hu/photo/232215
• http://www.sxc.hu/photo/1118259
• http://www.sxc.hu/photo/1045515

600: The Movie – November Tuesdays @ 11, UCBT from Justin Noble on Vimeo.